You Know You're Getting Old When List
Growing sometime is a part of life. But, what does "old" even mean? Age is just a number, right?
Well, you know you're really racking up some serious AARP points when you have to change your underwear every time you lot cough, you get happy tears of joy in your optics when the bartender cards you, and you lot always await like you've been "rode difficult and put away wet" no matter how much anti-crumbling foam you slather on your face up.
Growing quondam means something different to everyone, but if yous're wondering if yous've graduated to the side by side age bracket, then check out these 75 hilarious ways to tell if yous're getting onetime or non.
1) Your kids don't know what "hang up the telephone" means.
Poor kids these days don't know how satisfying it was to dramatically slam the telephone down when we got pissed off! Pushing a digital push button on a smartphone just doesn't feel the same.
2) You first acting like a mama bear wherever yous go.
When you lot're old, you lot don't care if a group of hot chicks in bikinis are hanging around your swain. Yous're more than concerned nearly the pretty niggling things getting skin cancer.
@John L:
"You are finally understanding that you lot are a mere mortal."
iii) You no longer look frontward to having birthdays.
Milestones like your 18th birthday mean you're an developed and y'all tin can legally vote, your 21st means yous tin finally drink booze and chance, and at 25, you can finally rent a car. After that, information technology doesn't really matter – information technology'due south all downhill from there.
4) Your parties become totally unnoticed.
Information technology'southward a distressing day indeed when your parties don't get busted past the cops. Information technology's fifty-fifty more depressing when no one fifty-fifty noticed that you had ane.
5) You call up when talent actually mattered.
Before manufactured male child bands and the Kardashians were a matter, some of our favorite musicians and honour-winning actors were butt ugly. It didn't really matter though, considering they had that special mojo that made u.s. fall in honey with them.
6) People panic when you autumn down.
Do people panic and telephone call 911 when you lot autumn down and scrape your genu? Well, sorry honey, that's a surefire sign that yous're getting to be granny panties old.
@Bunnies are better:
"This is when you tin can't prevarication down in a park or at the pool."
7) You avoid going to the doctor.
The older you lot get, the bigger the list of ailments that y'all accept. It's just easier avoiding the md so they don't tell you near the 5 boosted medical bug you lot've caused each time you visit.
@Danael Gabalova:
"Truthful mark of aging: instead of your parents scheduling your dr.'s appointments, yous schedule theirs."
8) The rules of the dating game take inverse.
Dating is different once yous're in your xxx'south, forty'southward, l's and beyond. Not only do the number of available singles start to decrease, but the quality goes down, likewise!
When you lot're 30, everyone starts to get married so the dating pool starts to dry up.
When you're 45, anybody is getting divorced, which ways your potential dates now come with emotional baggage, kids, and a boatload of cynicism.
Thank you internet dating apps, when yous're in your 50'south, you however have to worry about the aforementioned STD's you lot avoided getting in your 20's!
You lot know y'all're really old when your dates showtime ghosting yous considering they've passed away.
9) People start nagging you nearly marriage and a career.
What's actually funny is that this sweet immature lady thinks 25 is old. Those of us old enough to know better know that while being that age again would be fun, at 25 you're notwithstanding practically a baby!
x) "Sleeping weird" is dangerous.
Old people know that if you want to wake upwards in one piece, then you lot have to slumber like Dracula in a coffin. Nodding off any other manner is just too dangerous!
11) Yous're loyal to merely one grocery store.
When you're old, you don't have all the time in the earth to shop for food. Y'all take 1 favorite grocery store that yous store at, and the only reason information technology'due south your favorite is because information technology's the closest one to your house.
12) "Late" is right before the sun starts to set.
You know you're getting one-time when you lot're in bed by the fourth dimension the dominicus sets. That'southward okay though, because y'all've already taken reward of the 4pm senior discount supper at the Gold Corral.
@John Fifty:
"Time flies when your metabolism slows down, for some unknown reason."
13) Yous talk about mortgages over dinner with your friends.
Call up when you were immature and couldn't stop talking about how cute your daughter/male child crush looks with your best friend? Wait until you're older and the only affair yous're interested in is their FICO score.
@Amanda Panda:
"As a kid, I never idea of such things, or the fact that Kevin had such a large firm, looking back, i wonder what his parents did for a living to afford such a large ass business firm!"
xiv) Your body takes up warfare against yous.
Remember when your knees were totally innocent and they had names like "left" and "correct"? Expect until you're older and they first taking sides, like "good" and "bad."
15) People no longer have babies by accident.
Remember when everyone got pregnant past blow and raised babies even though they were withal young and bankrupt? These days, millennials are waiting to have babies until they can actually afford them.
16) Y'all're okay with being totally average for your historic period.
At that place comes a point in your life when you actually want to be totally average for your age. No ane wants to exist the kickoff one to get a middle assail or cancer!
17) Doing laundry is a relaxing pastime
When you're immature, rushing around to get as many things done as possible without taking a break was a mark of high achievement. But, when you're erstwhile, you actually look forward to staring at the wall for an hour while your laundry is in the wash.
18) Looking old is the new you
If the puffy little one-half moon shapes under your eyes don't go abroad afterward ii months, congratulations! You lot're now the proud owner of a permanent "I always await this tired" face.
19) You went months without taking a pic of anything.
Taking a picture back in the day was a total crapshoot! But similar Forrest Gump'due south box of chocolates, you never knew what you were going to get, or what you even took a picture of.
20) Your body has lost all its shiny armor.
When you lot're x, you accept invisible armor that protects you lot from falls. When you're 50, your armor is so rusted you demand a whole canteen of WD-xl to help y'all look straight alee over again.
@Jane Zimmerman:
"Every bit a child my blood brother jumped off a neighbor's carport roof using an umbrella every bit a parachute and wasn't injure at all!"
21) You hand out urine samples like it'south processed.
You also have bladder accidents every time y'all express mirth. And working out at the gym is a full nightmare!
@AmStick:
"Bespeak the way to the trampoline. Give me a few minutes of jump fourth dimension… after 3 pregnancies bladder control simply only doesn't hold upward."
22) Standing upright makes your back hurt.
Sitting down also makes your back hurt. In fact, but existing in the chimera of former age means that your dorsum will hurt.
23) You lot have to keep scrolling to detect your nativity year on a website.
Y'all know when you lot enter in your information on a website and they always have the current yr at the top of the listing? If it takes more than 2 clicks to scroll downward to your nativity year, and so it'southward probably time to showtime taking out a life insurance policy on yourself.
@AcousticGString:
"lol I just type mine in because it takes too long to scroll."
24) You tin never seem to catch up to your real age.
Just when you finally go comfortable with the thought being 35, time has already moved on and you're almost 50. This probably explains why some middle-aged men still act like children.
@Crystallee:
"For some reason I felt like I was "stuck" at 27 until I turned 37. Now I'm stuck at 37."
@Jose Baeyens:
"Stay there… take it from an nearly 57."
25) You wake up with a hangover and yous didn't even drink.
It's totally non off-white! Waking upwards with a hangover without the benefits of imbibing is like going straight to jail in Monopoly.
26) You become excited when your favorite athlete is older than you.
When you've already seen and done information technology all, there's not a lot out there that still excites you. Simply, finding out your favorite pro athlete is older than you makes y'all feel lie a immature whippersnapper!
@David Viola:
"The PGA Senior Bout is my shit."
27) You think when people kept their emo crap to themselves.
Back in the mean solar day, the only time people talked about their feelings was during an intimate dinner date. Now everyone broadcasts the well-nigh inane thoughts 24/7!
28) You become the erstwhile dog that tin can't be taught new tricks
And then we've all heard that saying that yous tin can't teach an onetime dog new tricks. Turns out it's tree. When you're that quondam canis familiaris, retaining new data is a hopeless crusade.
29) You avert telling people your real age
Nosotros've all played the "how old practice I look" game, but sometimes information technology can backfire. That's when your family finds yous sobbing in the corner.
@Stille20:
"Don't play that game… all it takes is ane person shooting too loftier and it haunts you for months."
30) You eat water ice foam for dinner because you lot're depressed.
When you were 10, you probably had to beg your mom to let you hunt down the ice cream truck. But, when you're 50, y'all dream about the adept old days when ice foam was a treat, and not an anti-depressant.
31) You try every new anti-aging skincare line that comes out.
Exploring crazy skincare trends like vampire facials, nightingale droppings, and snail mucin are all par for the course later on you reach a sure historic period. If simply getting bitten by a vampire is a real affair!
32) You go to bed early on…and find that yous actually like information technology.
We may make fun of grandma for going to bed early, just she really has the right thought. Sleep is the all-time form of stress relief!
33) You lot finally get to exist your quondam, crotchety cocky.
All our lives nosotros're taught to put on a polite ask when nosotros're effectually other people. Merely, when you finally go old, you don't are what other people retrieve and that's when your true self finally shines.
34) Y'all have a nap before a party just then yous tin can stay awake.
Remember when you lot were a teen and y'all could stay up for 3 days straight with but Mountain Dew and cigarettes? Well, when yous're older the only matter that will recharge your batteries are frequent naps throughout the mean solar day.
35) You accept it when the Grim Reaper sticks to the schedule.
No one wants to meet their maker before their time has come up. But the closer yous go to dying, the more okay you are with the Grim Reaper showing upwards at the door right on time.
36) Your life goals become more mundane.
Remember when you had lofty goals of changing the world by becoming a doctor, firewoman, astronaut, or veterinarian? That all changes when y'all go quondam. After y'all achieve a sure historic period, the only thing y'all'll intendance about is plopping on the couch and then that y'all don't feel all the aches and pains of a body that's been "rode difficult and put away wet."
37) Your definition of a "skilful hair twenty-four hours" radically changes.
A good hair day when you're young means take a total head of hair with no frizz and lots of shine. Only when you're older, you're more concerned nigh the hair that starts growing in weird places, like out of your ears, nose, and on your mentum.
38) You've dropped all pretenses of having a good work ethic.
When you're in your 20's, having a skillful work ethic and making your own money fabricated you experience good well-nigh yourself. When you're older, it's easier to merely run a risk and see if you tin scratch off a win.
@Mike Meech:
"Me in my 60s: *spends weekly alimony on lottery tickets*"
39) If you're past 35 and unmarried, you're destined to be a cat lady.
Cat ladies aren't really born until they've been single and bitter for a certain corporeality of time. Watch out for the signs, like being crazy, biting, and mean!
40) Y'all realize that not everything with a silver lining is a good thing.
When y'all detect the starting time gray hairs on your caput, it's hard to swallow. When you discover that your eyebrows or bristles are getting a silver lining, you lot start to panic. But when you kickoff getting gray down below, it's time to pack upwards and have that your life is most over!
41) The world is your…jalepeno hummus.
When you're young, the world is your oyster and you want to visit every continent on the planet. Just when yous get older, you realize information technology'due south just easier and cheaper to eat hummus that came all the fashion from Mexico.
42) You still call people on the phone and go out them voicemail.
Some people might consider you an quondam geezer if still you call people on the phone and you're not at work. That's because kids these days meet on dating apps, have a relationship via video conversation, and breakdown with each other by text.
43) You start counting your age in joint hurting years.
Forget counting your age in dog years. Just summate the corporeality of joint hurting you accept on a calibration of one to 10, and multiply that by vii to observe out your senior age.
@Sandra D Hatch:
"I written report my age in 'months since I last got any.'"
44) You lot acquire bottom of the butt super powers.
What are the worst super powers you tin think of? Well, it actually gets worse than that. Whether you wan them or not, spider veins, crow's feet, and bat wings are the simply powerups you'll have access to past the age of l.
45) Getting "back into shape" tin can ship you to the hospital.
Going to the gym to get back into shape is a take hold of 42 when you're a senior. Sure, it can brand you lot stronger, but only if you survive the trials, like walking on the treadmill without falling on your bum.
46) You start telling lame "bad dorsum" jokes.
Immature and dumb people come up up with bad pickup lines similar "hey baby, what'due south your sign." They grow upwardly to be the same people that tell bad back jokes when they get old.
47) Skeletons no longer scare you.
Why would they? There's one looking back at you in the mirror every day one time yous hit lxxx!
48) You commencement giving strangers unwanted granddad advice.
Nosotros all dream of the twenty-four hour period when we can relax in a rocking chair and tell our grandkids interesting stories about our youth. But the truthful marking of an old person is someone who tin't stop giving strangers unwanted parental advice.
49) You gauge your age by the amount of expensive cheese you've bought.
You know yous're one-time when you prefer to spend your disposable cash on expensive imported cheese instead of vices like booze, gambling, or weed. Pule or white stilton gold, anyone?
50) Y'all look at his band finger before y'all fifty-fifty say hello.
When yous're young and carefree, yous could care less if your catch has already been caught by someone else. Only, when y'all get older, the clock is ticking and at that place's no fourth dimension to waste on guys that are already taken.
51) Y'all stop trying to acquire a huge list of fake FB friends.
Back in the day, when you lot met someone new and talked to someone for v minutes, you lot walked abroad and didn't give the conversation a second idea. Just now those 5 minute chats mean that you merely have to exist friends on social media!
52) You have the Lord's name in vain every time yous stand up up.
When standing up hurts so much that you lot take to scream for God, Jesus, and mother Mary in the same curse, y'all're well on your fashion to going to the erstwhile folks domicile. At least there they take nurses that can help you lot go up out of the chair.
@chuq:
"Centre age starts the mean solar day y'all first make that sound your dad fabricated."
@drwitty_knitter:
"As well, you lot get downward to pick something up off floor & check there'southward naught else to be washed while you lot're there."
53) If you lot're a dude, you all of a sudden start growing boobs.
Guys know that they're at chance of getting a beer belly as they go older. But their dads probably never told (warned) them virtually pudgy homo boobs!
54) Anybody you lot know starts getting divorced.
When everyone you know starts getting divorced, it probably means y'all've reached centre age. The skillful news is that now you lot have someone to play Bingo with!
55) Knitting and Netflix is your new favorite affair.
When you get onetime, those Netflix and arctic nights turn into Netflix and knit. Which is totally fine, considering sometimes all that chilling is just too much work.
56) Y'all observe the brand new world of font sizes.
We all know that our vision starts to become the older we get. But, thankfully yous can brand font sizes on your computer equally big as the big East on vision tests.
57) The snaps, crackles, and pops tend to get louder and more frequent as you lot age.
@Jane Zimmerman:
"Caryatid yourself sweetie, if you think it hurts Now!!"
@cap44301:
"l's: Don't even bother getting out of bed."
58) Yous kickoff request for socks for your birthday.
Giving socks as a birthday present is normally a really bad idea. But when you lot starting time getting things similar bunions, heel spurs, and plantar fasciitis, soft fuzzy socks are a welcome reprieve.
59) You actually use your back massager on your dorsum.
When your sometime, your aching dorsum needs all the assist it can go. That'southward when you start using your back massager the way it was intended to exist used.
60) You showtime getting hand stamps from your kids instead of the dance lodge.
Retrieve the stamps you got on your hands every time yous went to the hottest rave guild in town? Well, you ameliorate savor those fun memories, because once you get older, the simply stamps you'll ever encounter come from the kids museum.
61) Yous're weary of every sharp corner in the house.
Is information technology really old age that makes bones so delicate? Or could treating our bodies like we were Wolverine have something to do with it? Either fashion, something as uncomplicated as banging your knee on the dishwasher tin mean months of physical therapy!
62) The oldies radio station is now playing the music you grew up with as a kid.
The fact that you're listening to the oldies radio station says that yous're old. Merely when you lot know all the words to the music they play, and then y'all're really a golden oldie!
63) You'd kill for a KitchenAid.
Yous know you're old when, instead of killing for money or drugs, yous'd do anything to become a concur of a KitchenAid mixer. Hey, those mixers are a kitchen lifesaver!
64) Yous already know that you lot're doomed.
Memory problems? Information technology's a good sign that you lot're getting old. Can't find your telephone when information technology'south sitting right there on your lap? Kiss those sweet memories farewell!
@markstellard:
"Wait till you beginning putting the milk in the washing machine and tea bags in the fridge lol then you know you're fucked 20."
65) Y'all're on Twitter, ya onetime fogey!
If y'all know what sometime fogey ways without resorting to Google, so you are super ancient, my friend. Just the fact that you use Twitter instead of secret underground apps means that you're much older than you realize!
@topplingswan:
"Where have you been then? Come on back and sit a spell. Nosotros can talk about the days of MySpace and yahoo messenger."
66) You constantly surprise yourself because y'all're and so forgetful.
Are you so forgetful that y'all don't even remembered that y'all mowed the lawn? It's not always a curse to forget what yous did – only think of it every bit a sweet surprise that you made for yourself!
67) A comfy pair of PJ's are your Friday night jam.
Going out for a nighttime on the town was fun when you were in your twenties. But, one time you hit the big 3-0, the thought of curling up on the couch for TGIF is just as exciting.
68) You lot finally let go of all your s**t, just to realize you're about expressionless.
It takes a lot of work, therapy, and forgiveness to get by all the traumatic childhood drama and trauma that we all went through. By the time you've finally allow it all go so you lot can actually showtime living, you lot realize you're one-time, sick, and nearly dead.
69) You cease being so picky most your life purpose.
When you lot're young, you can be anything you desire and nothing is out of your reach! But when you're an adult with a couple of decades of work under your belt, all you intendance about is having a day job that's worth waking up for in the morning time.
70) You'd rather hit the hay than play in it.
Yous might be getting one-time if yous go to bed early on on purpose, and not because you have to go upwards for a business organisation trip in the morning time.
But, when yous start talking about the JOYS of going to bed early, it'southward time to starting time saving for an RV so you can drift southward with all the other old snowbirds come winter.
71) Yous connect with The Grinch on a spiritual level.
Every bit a child,you probably idea The Grinch was a mean former monster. But, once yous have 50 different Christmas shopping seasons under your chugalug, you kickoff to think of The Grinch every bit your bro.
72) Debt vs. No Debt test
When you turn 18 you're legally an developed in the eyes of the law. Just unlike the old days when we had rituals to initiate boys and girls into adulthood, these days the just thing that tells u.s. how quondam nosotros are is the amount of debt we've accumulated.
73) Flipping people off no longer needs to have a reason.
When give someone the birdie it's usually considering y'all're mad and they did something to deserve information technology. But when you're an old fogey, you just don't care about being polite and do information technology for kicks.
74) You starting time telling impaired stories about your babyhood.
Getting old ways you get to strength people to listen to your lame childhood stories. And they won't say a word considering they don't desire to hurt your old man feelings!
75) You spend your birthday money on practical things.
If yous're actually getting up there in historic period, you most likely don't even get birthday money anymore. Simply if yous exercise, you probably spend it on applied things like food and prescriptions.
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Marilyn Caylor is a contributor at SBLY Media.
Source: https://shareably.net/75-ways-tell-old/
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